The Importance Of Fathers - Part 2

Me and my eldest son, Jake. 

My last blog instalment finished highlighting that you, as a father, are important. The early years of a child’s development is influenced by you as a dad.

For me, when Jake was born, I had a choice to make. How would I raise him? Would I do it through control, causing him to conform or face punishment? Or, would I exercise patience, nurture and love to encourage a healthy relationship with my son?

This was an important decision and, let’s face it, our perception on how to raise children, as a father, is determined by our own experiences with our dad.

I chose the patience, nurture and love approach. Now, don’t get any misconceptions that I find this approach easy. As Jake has grown up, many factors began to influence his behaviour, for instance, mine and Laura’s relationship, starting nursery and the arrival of our second son, Malachi.

Sometimes patience and love seemed so far over the horizon I didn’t know if I could continue down the path of patience, nurture and love. In the hard moments I would catch myself thinking what would my dad have done to me in this situation? It did not bear thinking about.

But, for every hard moment, there have been 20 heart-melting moments when I look down at his little face and think, you make it so hard to be angry. Sometimes, all my boy needs is a hug to stifle what I deem to be bad behaviour.

There it is dads, revelation, what is bad behaviour? To Jake his behaviour is normal, he is after all, a child. He sees it as exploring his personality, having fun and taking the stance that this is how he sees other children behaving, so that’s how I’m going to act.

It then dawned on me, it’s me that perceives his behaviour to be bad. Why? The fact is in my experience as a child, my dad would have ‘punished’ me for certain types of behavioural displays that my son has, and now continues to exercise.

We need to avoid raising our children as our father raised us, we are different people. We don’t need to follow old patterns, we need to find our own identity as dads, a ‘voice’ that communicates with our children that we love them, we are for them and we would give anything for them.

The importance of us as dads is that, for the early part of their lives, we give children their identity until such a time they are ready to venture out in search of their own. What identity we give them at such an early age is determined by our actions and our words.

Are we developing children of confidence that are assured that their dad loves them? Or, are we developing children that are suppressed by fear with no confidence that their father loves them?

How important are you as a dad? You have the power to cultivate a fully functional relationship with your child that bears fruit in years to come. This is your role, this is your goal, to prepare the next generation knowing that they are loved. That’s how important a dad is in a child’s life.

Daddy Dot Com is brought to you by Wolverhampton copywriting service,Write House. To learn more about Write House visit the official website - www.writehouse.co.uk

The Importance Of Fathers - Part 1

 

Photo courtesy of Mike Eldon Photography.

Welcome to Daddy Dot Com, a brand new lifestyle blog aimed at Fathers. Daddy Dot Com was 'birthed' by Write House founder and copywriter, Daniel Waldron (that's me). Channeling my experiences as a father, the purpose of this blog is to create a community of Dads, providing a platform for us to dispel common stereotypes associated with fatherhood.

Daddy Dot Com is also intended as a forum for fathers to comment, share their personal experiences and give input into the type of articles featured on this resource. Dads deserve dialogue, and whilst I do not want to overlook the role that mothers play in parenting, the relationship between a father and child is equally important, but our input is often disregarded.

I do not approach the subject of fatherhood lightly. To be honest I pondered, at considerable length, whether to embark on this project at all knowing that it opens me up to the opinion of more experienced dads. However, I convinced myself that this was not a bad thing, having the input of more experienced dads will make this project worthwhile.

So, here it is, the first instalment - 'The Importance of Fathers - Part 1'.

Let's break the formalities of introducing the blog and let me introduce me, Daniel Waldron. Yes I am a dad, to two wonderful boys Jake (approaching 4 years old) and Malachi (recently turned 1).

The topic of this first blog is very personal to me because I never really understood the importance of fathers, until I became one. Why? Well honestly, my view of fatherhood was distorted. My parents are divorced and my dad left the family home when I was at a very young age.

At such a tender age my dad's initial absence was something I didn't understand therefore, his importance to me didn't really register. It was not until I reached my rebellious teenage years that I began to notice that, without the influence or input of my dad on a regular basis, boundaries could be pushed because discipline and direction were non-existent.

If you're a dad reading this, you need to know something. You are unique and you play an important part in the development of your child(ren) regardless of your circumstances/relationship with your child(ren).

I feel confident that I can say this because, if I could have chosen to have my dad around in my younger years, it may well have prevented me from enduring such turbulent teenage years. 

Thankfully, I now have the best relationship with my dad that I've ever had and the importance of having my father in my life has aided me in realising the importance of my role as a dad to Jake and Malachi.

The reason I've chosen such a deep topic to launch this blog is because the world is gripped by a pandemic of fatherlessness. I experienced the absence of a father in the home and there will be many of you reading this that did too. 

Let's be honest, as men we find it hard to discuss the impact that the absence of a father has. For me, when I became a dad it raised questions as to whether I was even up to the job.

After all, being a dad doesn't come with an instruction manual, it's one of those 'learn-on-the-job' occupations. I like to think of it as a never ending apprenticeship. 

For nine months (on two separate occasions) my wife, Laura, carried our children. The birth of our first son, Jake, was very different to the birth of our second son, Malachi. Let me put that in a male perspective. What I mean is, I was much more prepared for the arrival of Malachi than Jake.

However, before Jake was born that initial nine months didn't really impact me, after all, the changes were taking place with Laura. Those first nine months for me were, well, a blur. It didn't even occur to me how important I would become in the development of this child's life, nothing had changed. To me, it was still me and Laura but then, boom.

In the space of twelve hours between March 11th 2010 and March 12th 2010, my importance value suddenly escalated, reaching astronomical heights. Jake arrived at 4.36am on the morning of March 12th, weighing 7lb 9oz. I remember it like it was yesterday.

I also remember the emotions I experienced, complete ecstasy, joy and an overwhelming sense of love. Combine that with feelings of fear and tiredness and you've got one emotional overload party happening.

However, it suddenly hit me how important I was to this little boy. I was to be responsible for a life, no longer did my concern surround me and Laura, a child was now thrown into the equation. 

Whatever your circumstances, putting all else aside, you are important as a dad in the development of your child. You played a part in bringing them into the world, now you're responsible for helping them to become the person they're destined to be.

As a father, you are important! You hold a privileged position, one of trust. You are vital to the development of your children. Never forget it!

Thanks for reading the first instalment from Daddy Dot Com - I would really welcome your feedback as this project develops, so please feel free to comment.

Look out for the next instalment - 'The Importance Of Fathers - Part 2' - Coming Soon. 

This blog is brought to you by Write House UK, a Wolverhampton based copywriting service. You can visit the official Write House website @ www.writehouse.co.uk